Sunday, 12 August 2012

Ordinary Girl Friday Night Write Response to The A Team

My first attempt at friday Night Write hosted by sweet banana ink .
  • 1 song:  Ed Sheeran, The A team
  • 500 words
  • 60 hours to complete and post  

Ordinary Girl

Kristina sucked on the lolly, loving the coldness on her lips as she sat in the park observing life.   A Frisbee skimmed over but she wasn’t acknowledged by its owner.  A crimson drop fell onto her white dress but Kristina didn’t notice as she continued to stare at the hive of activity, longing to be a part of it.
“Hey, you’d better finish that up.”  A warm smile greeted Kristina as she looked up into the dark, young face of Antonio.  “Your ice, it’s dripping.” Kristina looked down at the growing stain on her dress.
“No harm done.”  She threw the rest of the lolly in a nearby bin and stood. “Shall we walk?”  Antonio nodded and they walked arm in arm through the park. It was good to feel the warmth of another human being. The contact made her feel fizzy as she threw her head back with laughter.
They stopped at a nearby cafe, drinking iced tea.
“Tell me about you.” Kristina purred. “I want to know everything.”
“It’s pretty boring.” Antonio laughed but Kristina just stared, waiting for him to begin. “Well, I’m seventeen, I go to college, learning to drive, I have an older brother, a younger sister, a dog called Indy.” He stopped, eyeing Kristina, wondering if it was enough but there was a hunger in her eyes. “There’s not much more other than the usual stuff.”
“Tell me.”
“Music, sport, Xbox.  Tell me about you.” There was a flinch and her eyes became empty, lonely and distant but she smiled and sipped her iced tea. 
“I’m just an ordinary girl.”
“What college do you go to? I haven’t seen you around before.” 
“I’m home schooled.” Her reply was confident but there was a hint of something. Antonio couldn’t quite put his finger on it but there was definitely something. A silence followed, drinking more iced tea.  “I want to go somewhere fun. Take me.”  She blurted out, jumping up, her white dress flowing in the breeze.
Her enthusiasm for everything was contagious from the delight of the ducks on the lake to the thrill of the fairground, from the hustle and bustle of the market to the peace and serenity of the museum. It was like he was seeing it for the first time. Then she kissed him; he’d waited for this moment; loved her instantly from the moment he saw her. He felt giddy . . . . .  breathless . . . . .  cold! Pulling away fast, Antonio wiped his mouth. His lips were numb, his finger nails blue. Eyes wide, questioning but he couldn’t speak as he slid down to the floor.
“I don’t want to be alone” she whispered.
“You’ve had your time. Let him be.”  The voice filled the room but Antonio couldn’t see anyone.
“I’m seventeen. How can I have had my time?”
“You made choices that brought you to me. Antonio has more for this earth. Come.”  Antonio watched as a white light consumed her; the red stain the last Antonio saw of his Kristina.



  1. I am so excited that you put your hat into the Friday Night Write ring!! This is a wonderfully haunting piece!! ;)

    1. Thank you; I did find it hard. Pleased you like. x

  2. So powerful. I must say, the short pieces do rather bring out the ghoulish in writers. I love it x.

    1. It was the music so I shouldn't take all the credit Lesley. Glad you like my new