Saturday 2 March 2013

5 Sentence Fiction Empty





Joe watched the hungry flames as they licked around the frames and walls, spreading wildly and quickly, crackling fiercely; his artwork twisting, lapping, dancing high into the night sky. He couldn't hang around for long as the flames would be an invitation for the firemen and police despite the building being dilapidated, forgotten and condemned; he was just saving them time and money and enjoying his work at the same time, even if no one else appreciated his efforts in tidying up the neighbourhood from squatters and their misuse of vacant houses. The fire was alive as the old, wooden house behind it was barely visible, as the flames fed on the rotting timbers sending a plume of thick smoke swirling into the sky and even though Joe was drawn to the flames like a moth, he knew it was time to leave.
 Joe knew there would be no more squatters blighting his neighbourhood because he knew the house wasn’t empty as he had sent out fliers about a party and had watched them all turn up before setting the place alight for his own party. Sitting in his armchair, grinning with satisfaction, Joe picked up a copy of the flier he had made, admiring his handy work, turning it over in his hand and seeing a familiar handwritten note scrawled on the back made him wretch violently;  Dad, gone to this party, pick me up at midnight, love J.  



5 sentence fiction is hosted by the lovely  Lillie Mcferrin. There are amazing stories here you can read by amazing writers and remember, all stores are only five sentences. it's amazing what you can get from five sentences. xxx 



30 comments:

  1. Oh no! That last line made my blood run cold! Love your prose here Lizzie, especially the unfurling flames and thick plume of smoke...

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    1. Thank you chick. I was watching Hubby's bonfire which helped no end with the idea and description. x

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    2. I love fire, a bit of a pyromaniac...great pic too!

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    3. There's something quite mesmerising about a fire. . . Thanks for liking the pic. Means a lot coming from you. xx

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  2. Well told, with a dark, sobering twist.

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    1. Thank you. It was the only idea I had that took hold. xx

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  3. Oh, my God. How devastating. Yes, our actions do come home to roost. This packed an emotional wallop!

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    1. Thanks Jayne. I like to keep readers on their toes with the unexpected ;-) x

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  4. Wow, what an amazing and in-depth story you packed into these five sentences! The concept of clearing out the abandoned buildings was just the foundation of the story that was to come... planned extermination, and then the shocking revelations at the end. Took my breath away!

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    1. Thanks Josie, for your comment. Pleased you liked. xx

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  5. The last line ... a brilliant twist !!!

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  6. Wow, that last line made my stomach drop - beautifully descriptive writing.

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    1. Thank you. I was watching the hubby's bonfire and the words were there. xx

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  7. Powerful FSF endeavor. One has to wonder whether someone extremely dear to Joe might have been in the fire which he had started, and which now wishes he hadn't.

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    1. Indeed. . . that flier for a party in the hands of a teen . . . .Joe is definitely wishing he hadn't. . . xx

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  8. Quite the party! Very dark and twisted. Nicely done!

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    1. Thank you. I do enjoy 5SF and the chance to be dark. xx

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  9. Oh wow. I felt sick after reading that last line. Prior to that, I'd enjoyed the descriptions of the fire. '... his artwork twisting, lapping, dancing high into the night sky' - great line.

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    1. Thank you. i felt that was exactly what the fire was doing as I looked at the one we had going in the garden. I love the way it moves. xx

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  10. Very powerful. Reminded me of the film 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas'. I just thought oh noooooo! Well done!

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    1. I have whimped out of seeing that film for fear of being too upset. . . maybe I should. Thanks for visiting and reading. xx

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  11. Wonderful twist at the end. Well done.

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  12. Wow. I like this one. Did not expect that ending either!!! My first impression of Joe was that he was nasty for doing that and what a cruel person. After reading that ending, I then changed to feeling sorry for him. What a chilling ending. My heart sank for him.

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