Monday 6 August 2012

Victory 5 Sentence Fiction


This was the moment to surrender all common decency and politeness; it was every man for himself as the announcement was made causing the crowd to surge forward without a care in the world for anyone else. Tanya was jostled, barged and pushed as she walked calmly forward; not liking, but very used to this behaviour until the corner of a briefcase caught her sharply in the hip as it was swung madly by a Mr Briefcase Man, all in the name of being first and without even an utter of a apology.
There was one middle seat left on the packed commuter train and Tanya squeezed herself in, sitting next to Mr Briefcase Man, tucked behind his newspaper, trying desperately to ignore the young mum with her screaming toddler and bags of shopping; if he succeeded, maybe she’d go away!
‘You can have my seat’ offered Tanya and she stood, letting the mother and child sit as Mr Briefcase Man huffed and puffed, rustling his newspaper angrily.
‘Oh thank you so much’ replied the mum, her face a relieved smile as she sat with her child on her lap, surrounded by her shopping bags and Tanya smiled a winning smile as frustration slipped into anger on the face of Mr Briefcase Man as his journey was now being ‘interrupted’ by a child and when the toddler accidently spilt his drink all over him, Tanya couldn’t help but turn away and laugh. 


What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week Lillie will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction

16 comments:

  1. How are you finding the time to do all this creative writing?

    I can just imagine the look on Mr Briefcase Man's face :-)

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    1. I have six weeks off work for summer hols (work in school) and at mo I'm in Suffolk, in middle of nowhere without a car and it's raining. What is a girl to do? ;-) xx

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    2. What's a girl to do eh? I think you're doing it!
      And I love a bit of retribution nicely delivered by a messy child! lol

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    3. Thanks lisa; also too many late nights! xx

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  2. Oh I do like it when justice is served. Nicely done, I could almost have been there.

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    1. Yes, that type should always get their comeuppance. Glad you liked and thank you for stopping by, taking the time to comment. xxx

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  3. Ah, very well done and I smiled as well with the ending! :)

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    1. Yay! I feel like that's a job done then. Thank you. xx

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  4. There's always one like that on trains and buses... Glad he didn't get off untarnished...xx

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    1. Always! Never giving up their seats, hiding behind a paper. . . .maybe we should travel with lose drinky holders. . . . xx

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  5. Nice, love it when nasty people get their come-uppance! And I loved that he was called "Mr Briefcase Man". I give strangers very obvious descriptive names like that myself, makes life more fun :) Impressed by how much you were able to squeeze in to the five sentences, I wish I could do that!

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    1. I think I get a tad carried away and then change a full stop for a semi colon so my 6 or 7 sentences become 5. Is tricky lol. Glad you liked. xxx

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  6. sweet justice. I hope that I never turn into Mr Briefcase Man...

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    1. Maybe there's a little bit of him in all of us? No way! They are their own breed! xx

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  7. I love the way this piece unfolded.
    Mr Briefcase Man got what was coming to him! *chuckling*

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  8. ha!!! Serves Mr. Briefcase Man right. We all need to slow down and learn to smile sometimes. This rocks :)

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