Sunday, 11 March 2012

Not Such a Devil After All . . Or am I?

I feel it’s time to be honest about what it actually takes to be an undomesticated devil as I do enjoy the kitchen sometimes, and I am house trained!

1.     Cooking not as often as I should but more often than I like.
2.    Whinging and moaning because I have to cook.
3.    Using every utensil, pot and pan known to man just for one dinner.
4.    Unable to cook from frozen without burning to a crisp or dehydrating so badly that the Kiev in the Chicken Kiev has evaporated and a hissing sound can be heard as the knife goes in . . . oops. 
5.    Cleaning the bathroom only when I have visitors.
6.    Tidying up like a whirlwind only because No 1 son’s girlfriend is coming over.
7.    The airing cupboard is tidy for the first time ever due to mother tidying it for me.
8.    Tidying up all the paperwork, magazines and just crap really by moving it to another place.
9.    If you open certain cupboards, said paperwork, magazines and crap will spill out after being stuffed in and door forced shut.
10.  Saying ‘I’ll do it in a minute/later/weekend’ so to avoid doing whatever needs doing at all.
11.  Not having used the hoover in 6 weeks. I know this because we had a new hoover and when I needed to use it, I didn’t know how and my hubby could be heard to spontaneously combust at this realisation, having had the hoover for 6 weeks . . . oops.
12.  Actually not knowing how to use the new hoover- results in number 11.
13.  Using hubby’s ‘study’ or ‘den’ as a ‘temporary’ laundry room whilst clothes await ironing which will be done at the weekend- see number 10 and number 11 re combustion.
14.  Closing doors to rooms like the ‘study’/ ‘den’ so to forget ironing- out of sight, out of mind, although it’s never on my mind in the first place.
15.   Letting the cat sleep on by bed- again refer to number 11 for resulting effect.
16.  Paying more attention to the cat- jumping, when he meows, asking for food and feed him without moaning.
17.   Answering the door/telephone to cold callers and signing up as can’t say no- even invite in for a cuppa- they’re the lucky ones.
18.  Can’t make a decent cup of coffee- ask hubby.
19.  Don’t offer tea or coffee to people as don’t drink it and never have therefore making me a social leper, unless of course you’re after money and a signature- see number 17.
20. Can’t cope in the realisation there is not an ounce of chocolate in the house when I need it. And yes it is a need not a want!

Wow! I got to 20 and I’m sure there’s more that I haven’t quite remembered because being an undomesticated devil, I only store useful information in my brain and housey stuff is not useful.

But I do know my way around the kitchen. In fact I have been known to spend hours in the kitchen, being creative, artistic and clever. And this is because I love to bake! And baking is different to cooking. Less time for a start so I can enjoy all the mediums of conversation in one go- Twitter and texting and Facebook which provides Words with Friends which is totally addictive and takes hours just for one move. It would make the   Chess championships look like speed dating.

1.     Baking always has a wow and ooh factor where as cooking is just demolished like we all have flip top heads- well actually that’ll just be me.
2.    Baking is often achieved with plenty of time and not after a day’s work. Cooking is not but even so, it still takes too much precious time.
3.    I do not have to make trips to the back of beyond that is the freezer in the garage when I want to bake, like I do for dinner.
4.    Rummaging in said freezer, getting frost bite searching for some mince whereas baking is all neatly placed in my kitchen cupboard- the only cupboard that is neat and no chance of getting attacked by a pack of self raising when door is opened.  
5.    Being scared witless in garage looking for mince when certain beasties come out to play. Cooking is not worth this!
6.    Cooking a meal for Hubby, No.1 son and No. 1 Son’s friend only for the teenagers not to want it as Ronald Macdonald has sufficed their culinary taste buds that my cooking could never do- obviously! And Hubby saying that he doesn’t want Spag Bol ever again. Like I cook it all the time. Mmmmm, ok, maybe it is a ‘favourite’ of mine - its sooooo easy peezy so of course I’m going to cook it! Why make life and meal times more complicated than they already are? Maybe something else with mince next time. I can bake a thousand Victoria Sponges or brownies and they would not moan about ‘having to eat this again’. Unless of course they were coconut chocolate brownies. But I like coconut so therefore, they must be made and these coconut chocolate brownies are demolished in seconds by any female that enters, especially sister! In fact the men of this household do not go for peanut butter either. But my friends and I love peanut butter muffins. So who am I actually baking for I ask? Maybe another blog another time to sort that one out! 
7.     A certain Meals in 30 minutes chef is a big fat liar as I have tried to do this and unless time stands still or Dr. Who takes us all for a timeless spin in the Tardis, it is not 30 minutes! Brownies are mixed and baked in 20! I have 10 minutes to spare which I can spend flicking through the said chef’s book, searching for the next 30 minute wonder that promises an undomesticated devil less time in the kitchen and more time for Words with Friends.
8.     Cooking at weekends is rubbish when the rest of the world seems to have take aways. We can’t afford take outs despite the kitchen draw being full to bursting with promises of stuffed crusts, kormas and crispy duck. Another reason to hate cooking!
9.    I never want to cook because I have to. I want to bake therefore never have to.

Now you’ve read this, I’m sure you’ll find that there’s a little undomesticated devil in all of you and maybe some well thumbed take out menus.

Love Me xxx
'Going to USA' white chocolate treats

Home made star topped mince pies    

Now I'm showing off! Wedding cake was 4 teirs but bottom collapsded enroute to Glastonbury.


  1. looking forward to tasting those Coconut Brownies again xxx

  2. Hello!!! Just saw this and read!!! I never tasted one of your mince pies may I just add!!! Carlys cupcakes were amazing and that wedding cake looks awesome!!! And I love your reasons for not cooking and the hoover bit made me crack up!!!!

  3. Coconut brownies for quiz? And I made my own mincemeat which had apple in it, lots of apples and didn't think it would agree with your delicate constitutuion Mrs. F

  4. Or maybe another games evening. xxx

  5. I need more coconut chocolate brownies in my life please!
    They're gorgeous and the peanut chocolate things u did like reese, they are yum too. While you're there, chocolate pudding with that gorgeous chocolate sauce, that's my order :-)
    Good job there is one baker in the family! Xxxx

  6. Very funny blog. I said I would read it last night but I ended up having to go to bed so I've been reading this morning instead.

    The cakes are amazing, I'll do you an undomesticated devil swap, I'll do the main you bring the yummy puddings!

    I have to be in control when it comes to cooking meat in my house, I'm a bit weird and obsessive like that. Once upon a time we were travelling & stopped at a petrol station for fuel & food. They had frozen pizza things and a microwave to cook them in but I didn't trust my husband and insisted after the allotted time (where it looked not too bad at all) that it went back in for another 20 seconds! Guess what, yes, soup! It was a disaster but I was too busy rolling around in hysterics to care. My husband cared...a lot! Ha ha love the blog, keep it up! Jess :-)

    1. Well hello there have just been told off by my husband I am supposed to be invoicing but said it was imperative that I read and answered to this blog. If I have the time and energy which can often be in short supply! I love love love love to cook anything and everything, but my boring family just keep requested a mary dinosaur berry choc tray bake, I want to try something new, the good thing is I do not like it. I do not know what has gone wrong since I turned 40 something, I know someone of you are now gasping no she cannot be that old, I wish. Every week I tell myself I must get a grip and every week I lose the plot! I do not know if it is a good thing or not most of the time I have weird vision like on that film where they think that big heffer is thin I cannot remember what its called though! I am most certainly looking foward to another peanut butter muffin I can make an exception to that being chocolate cake then. Referring to teenagers I love it when you have gone to the effort to make a yummy meal and the kids say they would rather have a naff pot noodle or super noodles now come on! Clare

  7. Oh what bad spelling now I have just checked my comment and the film was called shallow hal

  8. I really did laugh out loud with tears in my eyes at your reply . . you so should write a blog chick. xxxx

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