It was turning out to be the most miserable journey home as the wind whipped at Evie’s thin raincoat, constantly swiping her hood down as if it was a game, her face stinging as the wind decided to throw pins at her in the form of rain, howling in her ears like laughter. With every sodden step, Evie was closer to home; a steaming mug of hot chocolate after a long, hot shower, so hot her body would redden, right down to her bones as she would snuggle in front of the telly in her fluffy white socks and pyjamas. She forced a smile at the simple thoughts and pleasures keeping her company, and soon she could see her street, could feel the inviting warmth of home where once inside, she could finally remove her drenched clothing, sticking to her like a second skin.
Her numbing fingers fumbled in her handbag as she approached her front door, the wind not giving up as she stood on her doorstep, already tasting the sweet, milky chocolate, ignoring her hair plastered to her face. Evie’s nonchalant fumble turned to an agitated rummage, before tipping out the entire contents, realising with defeat, her only way in was left on the kitchen table.
Written for Lillie McFerrin's Five sentence Fiction where you can read the other short stories based on the prompt. x
This is brilliant! I have sooo been there before...you described the rain with exactness and I bet anyone reading this will recall the last time they got stuck in a rainstorm, wishing for home!
ReplyDeleteThey say write about what you know. :-)
DeleteWant a hot shower after reading this, could feel the cold miserable wet weather. Fab tale :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! X
Deleteoh! poor Evie...I was so craving for that hot chocolate myself.
ReplyDeleteLol, sorry. :-) x
DeleteI really crave hot chocolate too after reading this!!! I could so picture the rain drenching her and I could recognise her desperateness to get home. What a great 5 sentences!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jan! xx
DeleteI loved this...especially the frustration at the end. Well done!!!
ReplyDeleteD.B. McNicol
Romance & Mystery...writing my life
Thank you Donna. x
Deletewow.. how beautiful you've described the fierce hold of the thunderstorm and what a frustation it is to miss the hot choc.. loved it:)
ReplyDeletepriya raj - http://pencilstripes.blogspot.com/2014/05/being-mother-is-attitude.html
Thank you for such a lovely comment! x
DeleteHa,been there, done that! With chocolate waiting, I'd be chewing the door off its hinges! ;-) Wonderfully descriptive, a great read.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! xxx
DeleteOh no!!! The frustration and the tiresome length of the journey really came through in the writing and then that moment! I would have screamed! LOL
ReplyDeleteWritten from experience! And yes, I did scream! Thanks for visiting Miranda. x
DeleteThis was superb!! You created such an expectation and the end was quite devastating for poor Evie! ;) Aditi
ReplyDeleteOh wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate you visiting and commenting!
DeleteI really loved reading this. I found it quite thought provoking as it raises the question, at least in my "little" mind, of what had been the reason of why she had apparently rushed out of her warm, cozy home into the turmoil which raged outside, leaving her keys on the kitchen table, forgetting that all the outside doors automatically lock when they're closed.
ReplyDeleteI had it in my mind she was on her way home from work, caught in the storm, thinking her keys were nestled in the bottom of her bag. I wrote from experience. Easily done when running round like a lunatic in the morning and no time to do anything lol.
ReplyDelete